THROUGH THE STORM (Hold My Hand) III

Published on Instagram on June 21, 2019

"You protect your being when you love yourself better. That's the secret" (Isabelle Adjani)
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The third hand in the serie.
Another exploration of my feelings, another reflection on how to love ourselves.
On how I can hold my own hand.
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This one taught me I don't have to stay small, fly low, be too tied by feelings of "being realist - responsible".
For me, it means that often I shy away from my potential because I think it's impossible that I will achieve that much.
That I should be more realist and settle for a little less and be content.
That I don't deserve that much. That I can't hope for too much.
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For instance here I used what is, for me, a lot of silver. Which is expensive. Then I hand carved all the moth. Time and resources.
I woke up with anxiety and with this idea.
I stood for a while between two feelings: I want to pour myself into it and make something beautiful that will take my mind off the anxiety - and - I am afraid I will make this big thing and nobody will buy it and I will have failed.
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I am glad I didn't settle for flying low.
Because I love this one madly.
It's graceful and bold.
It speaks of comfort and of strength.
Moth have these many layers to me.
I think about the changes they go through in their life - can you imagine the struggle of transforming SO MUCH, from a larva to a winged creature?
And they have these fragile wings, so delicate, yet they allow them to fly.
And they are able to live in the liminal zones, between light and darkness. They are attracted to the light, but they don't fear the dark.
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I put one of my beloved tiny crystal quartz points from my hoard. It's so clear, and it has a sort of growth fracture toward the top - growing sometimes comes at a cost, but that doesn't detract from your beauty and worth.
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This is all sterling and fine silver.
The hand was sand cast from my own original hand talisman, the rest is hand cut, carved and soldered.

THROUGH THE STORM (Hold my hand) II

Posted on Instagram on June 20, 2019

"I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you." (Frida Kahlo)
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This is for you, out there in the big world. If you are feeling weird and broken and all wrong. Not so good at functioning. Without a clue about how to love yourself.
Let's learn together this strange, beautiful business of holding ourselves in love.
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A week back, more or less, I showed you the talisman I made for myself.
The hand to hold when I need someone to hold my hand.
To remind myself that I have ME to rely upon. To stop outsourcing all of my love.
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I can't tell you how often I have reached for that little hand in this week. Day and night. I held it while I was breathing, trying to bring myself down from a panic attack.
I held it at night, in bed, when the anxiety was creeping on me.
I held it while I was doing my best to be brave and breathe through the fear.
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It feels like an anchor. It brings me back to the present a little. Away from the oppressive thoughts.
Its smooth surface, its shape, are comforting.
I swear I extra polished it by all the rubbing of my fingers! 🤣
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I said I would try to replicate it, and I did. The hand shape is sand cast from my own, while the rest is hand fabricated.
No hand will be the same.
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This one features a hand that is made of a "custom alloy" of silver with some copper in it. It gives it warmth and life. Now that it's high polished, you will see only a light pink tone to it. By wearing it, the oxides will turn it more toward a pale golden or darker pink (depending on your ph). While it was resting on my bench, it turned pale gold, for instance.
Magic! I like it!
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A sterling silver snake on top holds a clear quartz, one of my favorite, all healing crystals.

BURIAL

Posted on Instagram on June 19, 2019

A few months ago I purchased some Baltic Amber.
The idea was a serie of pieces on the idea of a burial for what is dead and we need to let go of.
Of course my plans got sidetracked.
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The work I am doing the past month is focused on the different parts of me that "live" inside of me and that shape up my behaviour, reactions and so on - putting it simple and short here 😅
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With the help of my therapist and EMDR, we are seeing them, listening to them and their reasons for acting like they do - in ways that sometimes are harmful or painful for me.
And to reassure them that they are appreciated and loved, but that we need to work out better ways together.
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Some parts I knew since long, like the Child. Others are "new".
Some, the ones connected the most to my issues of panic anxiety depression OCD, are putting up quite the resistance.
They put me through explosions of harsh emotions.
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They are scared that I want to kick them out.
And of letting go of the patterns they know, for something unknown. .
A lot of the process is feeling.
The past three weeks have been a rollercoaster of deep chaos ad deep peace - chaos during the resistance, a sense of fullness and peace when one of the "troublesome" parts finds her spot.
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Monday was one of those bad days.
In the morning I went to the bench, for relief, and I found a bee dead on my desk.
And I knew it was time.
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I created the pendant as a burial for the bee. As a symbolical burial for the patterns and habits that it's time to let go.
It's a way to honour the role they had in my life, how they protected me when I didn't have better ways. It's a thankyou, and a farewell.
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The delicate body of the bee was encased in resin inside the pendant - I originally planned it in the center, but when she floated in the resin and went to the side, it felt right: this is not a piece to showcase the bee. This is a safe place for her to rest. This is a way to keep honouring her efforts.
This is the hope that the parts of me will find grace, freedom, the peace they deserve.
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Sterling silver, vintage Baltic amber, hand fabricated.

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL III

Posted on Instagram on June 17, 2019

"Non quid sed quemadmodum feras interest." (Seneca)
(Loosely translated in English: It matters not what you bear, but how you bear it.)
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The last one.
Filled to the brim of meaning and connections.
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It feels like a lifetime ago, when I made this "sisterhood" of rings.
When I was at the brink of the brutal couple of weeks I just went through - but I didn't know it.
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This is the last one, and it's elusive to capture in pictures, rightfully so. It makes me bow to its magic (could be my poor photo skills, but follow me on the magic theory, it's more fun).
You may want to swipe and watch the video to figure it all out 🤣
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It features a pearl skull that I carved on the New Moon in April, which was kinda brutal for me, emotionally.
I am ready to share it with the world only today, on this Full Moon that has been...huh, intense, challenging in a different way.
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It feels like lifetimes and it's just a few months.
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I feel like I learned a little more about the dance with my own darkness. And that I can also embrace that darkness and love it deeply. That resistance - the hard shell - the breathing stuck - the back tense - won't save me as much as a soft soft heart will.
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The moth for the ability to live in darkness.
A tiny marvelous Iolite on the other side, to call the night.
A skull carved into a pearl, living in a dark pool of resin inside of it.

Sweet Creature

Posted on Instagram on June 16, 2019

Are you taking time to sit with those tender, fragile, scared parts of yourself?
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