THROUGH THE STORM (Hold My Hand)

Posted on Instagram on June 14, 2019

In my last post I shared how I am going through a difficult time.
I did an intense row of EMDR sessions with my therapist, working on some of my deepest traumas...and what happened was a sort of rebellion of all my scared parts.
Parts that are dysfunctional but that have helped me cope with these traumas. They kept me alive the best they could.
They are terrorized of change. Of being forgotten. They are scared of so much.
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The past couple of weeks has been brutal, with strong panic attacks, fears that I had overcome, even needs of self harming (that I resisted, phew!).
I felt like having been thrown back in the awful black hole once again, after having seen a glimpse of light.
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I knew the key was to communicate with all those parts, and I cramped my hand for how much I wrote in my journal.
Still, so much resistance.
Sense of helplessness.
Loneliness.
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Something that became absolutely clear to me is that I need to love myself. I mean, duh, I knew it on an intellectual level.
But this time I had the gut knowledge, you know?
The feeling of...it's up to me to love myself. To love all of these parts.
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You know when you feel like you would just need someone to hold your hand and tell you that they love you?
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This is why I made this pendant.
A labor of love and frustration, created in between moments of calm and (many) moments of shaky hands. Hand fabricated from silver that has been melted, soldered, carved and filed, it took 3 days to complete the hand alone.
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The shape of the hand is such that you can actually hold it, have your fingertip rest pleasantly against the palm (see second pic).
Because this is a tool.
Because when the anxiety fear pain strikes, I reach for it and hold my hand.
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Because it's time that I stop outsourcing my love.
It's time that I love myself.
It's time that I hold my own damn hand.
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This is my own and not for sale, but I wanted to share it and its story.
I will attempt to sand cast the shape and make a little number of these in several metals, each unique, and I will keep you posted.
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All love ❤️

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL

Posted on Instagram on May 31, 2019

"Non quid sed quemadmodum feras interest." (Seneca)
(Loosely translated in English: It matters not what you bear, but how you bear it.)
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Finally, something in silver that didn't melt or break or whatever.
After another bad night, after having stumbled on this sentence by my old friend Seneca 😜
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I spent the whole day on this. Very early morning rise, and diving into it. Hoping to be able to turn my vision into something tangible.
Craving the zone that jewelry making brings me to.
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Holding on to it.
Through a day filled with fear and despair and not remembering the right path to walk. Hands shaking and breath stuck.
And such a strong resistance to all that "bad".
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So this is about the dark night of the soul. And how to survive it, I guess.
It's about looking inside, looking inward, facing the darkness...and remembering that for every night there is a starry sky to look for.
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Hand fabricated, with a moth for guidance through darkness, and a skull for accepting to let go of what is dead.
The skull is a casting from a pearl skull I carved.
The stone is the beautiful blue goldstone, that glimmers with hope like a sky full of stars.
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Heavy and bold and battle-textured, an armor piece to draw strength from.

TUTTO L'UNIVERSO OBBEDISCE ALL'AMORE

Posted on May 24, 2019

(All of the universe is ruled by love)
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This is one I hadn't a chance to show here until now.
It was born a couple of months ago, when, after a rough patch, I had my eyes opened once again on what helps me, my resources, the things that lift me up.
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It's an anatomical heart, with a flower blooming on it. To remember to stay with the wisdom of my Heart, and to let the things that live there flourish.
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On top, three feathers. For the birds that always remind me of grace, of singing your own song. For my ability to rise and soar.
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In the back, a pelvic bone, as a reminder to stay grounded and in the present, especially when I follow my mind around and start to feel unsafe.
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It's a talisman and a reminder that I had on me every day until I put it in the shop.
All hand cut and soldered in sterling silver

Little Creature

Posted on Instagram on May 10, 2019

This little one has not made his appearance in my feed until now...mostly because he was literally finished the past night.
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And he was already snatched by a loving keeper! Omg I am so grateful and blown away by your support 😍😍😍😍
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Anyway...I want to talk a little about him and his little brothers and sisters.
I know I am mostly, nowadays, a jewelry maker - and god, I love it.
But I have a whole artistic background and inner world that can't be tamed to fit into a box.
Reason why it was perfectly fine to let go of drawing to pursue jewelry.
Reason why it is now perfectly fine to carve a little time for these creatures in between silversmithing.
Because, as someone I admire said, art is not a choice.
It's my essence in many ways, my being.
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And sometimes my creative vein runs toward the realm of magic, of fantastic, and curls up in tenderness and childish awe.
And I can only follow it.
Because this is how I teach myself who I am.
Because this is how I give the world the gift of my heart.
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So yep...I am absolutely in love for these little creatures and the stories they whisper to me.
I am immensely grateful for this little chubby one because, as soon as I finished him, holding him in my hand, I cried tears of tenderness.
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And my heart opens and all is softness and beauty.
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MURMURATION

Posted on Instagram on April 27, 2019

Two nights ago I dreamed of a falcon and a dove.
And then I stumbled on the most beautiful word...murmuration.
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Do you know those giant flocks of thousands of birds twirling about in the air like a cloud of black dust? They are made up of smaller birds such as European starlings.
The flocks are in a tight ball that morph and dance in the sky.
The dance is called a murmuration.
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While it looks like a joyous dance, these thousands of birds are typically scurrying to get out of the path of a single peregrine falcon, giving birth, like if they were a single mind, to the stunning dance.This is the whirlwind in which falcon reaps his prey.
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This ring is for the falcon I dreamed two nights ago.
It is for the whirlwind of the thoughts in my mind, and for the awareness of how much I contribute to it, like a falcon in the center of the murmuration.
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It is for the determination to make my way through the chaotic dance of my thoughts and have the single minded determination to get through it.
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I made it from sterling silver, using only the scraps resulted from breaking and failing projects of the past two months.
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The stones are clear quartz. The biggest one has sentimental value because it comes from the mountains around here, the beloved guardians and teachers that I look at from my window.
Because I will keep pushing so that one day I will be able to go there myself and bathe in their beauty up close.