COSMIC SNAKE

Posted on Instagram on January 13, 2019

Five.
.
Days passed and I felt stronger.
I could look back and see how much different I had behaved.
In the past I would have been full of xanax and totally powerless in my try to run away from the unpleasant.
I would have felt a victim of bad luck.
I would have been traumatized by the depth of despair and panic.
I would have bent this way and that to beg someone, anyone to comfort and save me.
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I helped myself with meds? Yes.
Made myself numb? Nope.
I sat with my emotions, traumas. I talked to the parts of me. I listened.
I took care of myself the best I could.
I gave love to my work and my work loved me back.
Yes, my OCD has been high. My hands are scraped by too much compulsive washing, my lips are raw from biting. My neck hurts from tension strain. I didn't eat much for a few days cause food scared me.
But I took care of myself the best I could and that made a difference.
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So this piece is something about having confidence, for me...Because I had a vision and no idea how to make it happen. And it involved a lot of silver. Which scares me because hey money! 😅
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This is a well. This is you.
This is an eye, giant cosmic snake eye. Inviting you in. Again, inward.
I chose a clear quartz that is not transparent at all, it seems almost dusty.
Because when we look inside, our waters are hardly clear. They often feel muddy. The treasures to be find inside often seem just like sparks and illusions.
But if you are determined enough to observe, to change perspective, you will spot the opal inside, with its magical rainbow of colors.
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Wrapped around the well is a snake. On the back, I carved a galaxy.
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May you find the courage to sink inside of yourself. May you be brave enough to dive in the deep waters.
May the Cosmic Snake envelope you in her embrace. May you always remind that you belong to the Universe.

NOURISH

Posted on Instagram on January 13, 2019

Four.
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And while I was still on alert, waiting for the next drama to unfold...
While my mom was in full passive aggressive mode and I was still without therapist and I was worried I would not be able to deal with it...
With the list of rings I was expected to be working on...
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I realised it's ok to go inward and nourish yourself.
It's ok to go in the cave with Mama Bear and get some comforting cuddles.
It's ok to take a break from the "should do" and make yourself feel good.
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In my case it's making these pieces that I feel so hard. And it's spinning soft wool while calling the hug of the Grandmothers.
And naps.
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This one is an amber with Snake skin and Bear fur under it. To remind you that it's ok to sink into slow comfort while shedding an old skin. It's right to find comfort in times of discomfort.
The warmth of amber and its connection to the wise wise trees...
Moth wings with eyes on them, moving - wear them open or closed.
In the back again the eye, directed inward, at your heart.
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All hand drawn, cut and carved sterling silver and one of a kind.

MINE

Posted on Instagram on January 13, 2019

Three.
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The night of the New Moon, I was shaken by its powerful energy, and also under the influence of my pms and its crazy hormones.
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But I had managed to stay relatively grounded in the midst of fear. I was hopeful.
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And my mom and bf argued. Loud. .
I was on the couch knitting the anxiety away and I could feel the wave of dread at hearing their voices from the other room.
Stop.
Breathe.
What can you do to help yourself? Knitting is not enough. Ok.
Sit on the bed and bead. Breathe. Wave after wave of panic washing over me.
What are you afraid of? What is this triggering in you?
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"I am afraid they will leave..."
They won't leave. And if they do, you can't control it. But you can control your actions. So now take care of yourself.
I am afraid my mom will try to kill herself like she did when I was a teen because I screamed at her.
Ok stop. We rationalized this. We know that she probably didn't try to kill herself or she would have ended up at the hospital and not simply have given some meds, right? We know it's a false belief they used to keep you under their control. And also...again, you don't have control over others. You did nothing bad.
Breathe. Beads.
I slept in my clothes that night, too afraid to take them off and go under the sheets...
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Something my therapists had told me just a week before: I never made a pendant with a key or a door - we were talking about how I struggle with boundaries.
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After an almost sleepless night I dragged myself to the bench and made this. I hold the key to my heart - to my space. I am mine and I decide what enters and what stays outside.
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Because, you know what was different this time? Instead of going in "mediator mode", trying to make them come to reason and avoid arguments (and being inevitably dragged inside them), I held my own space.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Taking care of me.
Holding myself.
And this is HUGE for me.
I felt like a bad person, because I was trained to go to the rescue and fix everyone else.
But it also felt like such a big weight I didn't have to carry. And that felt good.
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This necklace is solid and grounding while being minimal.

SELVATICA

Posted on Instagram on January 13, 2019

Two.
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This is the one I will keep for myself - still, sharing her here.
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Day two I was feeling a little less shaken. I had overcome the first day without the tragic scenario in my head happening - like ending up in the hospital with a mental breakdown. I know. I have this huge imagination 🤣
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I went to the bench thirsty for that special calm and focus that comes to me when I create.
I worked on a few commissions. I felt it was my duty.
I got anxious.
I realised I had to follow the creative stream that was keeping me afloat.
A quartz that I hoarded for years. Simple but a little broken inside, with red cracks in the surface.
The Fox.
Fox has been my animal for years but I didn't understand why it would come that day.
Still, I followed the call.
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Snake skin and Fox fur under the quartz. The Moth, again.
Phases of the Moon on the bail - for the Goddess energy that pulls at my hair and I still can't always embrace and surrender to.
And I carved Fox eyes on the back, to look inside my heart with their magic sight.
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The meaning was revealed only a few days after.
"Selvatica" is the female word for "wild" in Italian. My mother and grandmas used to say "you are so selvatica!" if you were kinda...on your own and not easy to control.
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Yes. I am reclaiming my being selvatica. My being myself without compromise, even if you don't like it. Not being servile. Not bending out of fear. Wild and true.

INWARD

Posted on Instagram on January 13, 2019

One.
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My therapist went on vacation in Egypt. Planes. Distance.
It made me so scared.
I started thinking about terrible scary things happening to me, and not having her around to rescue me.
I panicked.
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And then I wanted to avoid the panic.
And then I realised that's an old pattern that I don't want to follow anymore, so I sat with these feelings.
I sat with the panic, allowing it to wash over me.
I asked myself: what are you really afraid of?
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I am afraid I can't take care of myself. I think that my therapist is the one who can save me.
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I am giving away my power.
She taught me skills to help me navigate life. She isn't the cure. I am the one who can help myself.
She is the one who helps me see my patterns, but I am the one who did the work. I am the one with the answers...
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I kept repeating this in my mind, over and over, all the night while spinning and knitting to keep the anxiety ad bearable levels.
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Inward. Inward. The answer is inside of you. You are it.
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I created this pendant like craving fresh air to breathe. Save save save me.
It's a pale citrine with inside cracks - rainbows - and under it I put snake skin.
Snake for the ability to shed the old skin. To be comfortable in that discomfort.
A Moth - another master of transformation, and one who is comfortable in the dark hours, while still being enamored with the light. To teach me that the darkness is nothing to run away from.
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In the back, an eye. An eye laying against your chest, pointing to your heart. Look inside. Go inward.
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Stop giving your power away. It's yours.
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This is all hand drawn, cut, carved in sterling and fine silver.