Amulets

Posted on Instagram on January 13, 2019

Today I took all of them off my neck.
For taking pictures by the trees.
To get ready to release them, to let them go out in the world.
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These pendants are a testimony of a journey.
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The things that happened to me this past week are quite silly from the outside - from a "normal person" perspective - but they left a mark on me - and they gave me a chance to see how things changed for me.
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My therapist went on vacation in Egypt. And I freaked out. I was scared. What if something bad happens and I can't deal with it on my own? She won't be around to rescue me!
It triggered my fear of being abandoned. My sense of isolation and helplessness.
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I had to sit with these emotions and ask myself "what are you really afraid of?".
The answers I got were really new and useful.
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Work has been my companion through the anxiety and panic.
Working during the day, channeling wisdom. Thinking about talismans during the night, to have something to hold on to while I was so afraid.
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When I felt like I may be able to feel better, the New Moon. Strong and dark.
And my mother and bf arguing.
More fear. More triggers for old traumas. More inside work.
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I wore all of them. I held them during the night, for comfort.
Layered each shard of wisdom on me.
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And today I will let them go.
I decided to post them on social is the best for me right now, I don't have the energy for a store update honestly - I will start to post them later, with their story and meaning.
It feels hard to let them go - it feels right to let them go.

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE

Posted on Instagram on December 23, 2018

The Solstice and Full Moon have been really intense...especially, for me, the Moon - or maybe it was a build up of combined energies. The sleepless night I spent weaving these rings in my mind, putting things together, messages, thoughts, signs.
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They are about sisterhood - in the widest sense I can imagine - as wide as the universe.
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Something that was brought to my eyes recently is how my relationship with women has changed.
I grew up in an environment that gave us for granted. That taught me we are weaker. That we need a man to survive - be it a husband or a father - because they are smarter and more practical. That women aren't particularly bright. And that we are quite silly and that you can't trust us because women will always backstab you.
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So much of that seeped in me without my realization.
And the journey to hold a scrape of self esteem in my hands has been a long long one - no surprise with such premises.
The journey to accept my cycle and how the Moon and the emotions influence me? Longer.
Actually, I am still walking both.
But I am not where I was, and this is something.
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And I found myself thinking about the Women that have crossed my path in the past few years.
How they came in perfect timing, when I was ready for their particular energy. How they helped to shape me up.
Some came as inspirations - in art and life. Some came as healers and examples. Some as friends.
All of them showed me a way of "being female" that I could love. That made me feel accepted and that I could accept. A coming home.
A common way of feeling and sensing and being. A special sensitivity. A hard, marvelous journey to reach the point of owning all those special tracts and walking with pride.
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It felt right to make two of these rings. Because one would be lonely.
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They talk of a fat moon, of many snake sisters entwined. Of roots and hair, of links of connection.
They are about this web of life and death that connects all of us, even if we are spread out on the entire globe. Even if we are separated by the Veil between life and death.

S E A S O N S

Posted on Instagram on December 14, 2018

Yesterday they forecast snow, and we had a dusting of it.
While I was in the studio, watching tiny snowflakes falling, I observed my inner landscape. Emotions, feelings.
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There is something about snow that makes me uncomfortable. That scares me.
It's, I think, the sense of isolation. Everything so white and silent and immobile.
It brings forward my fear of being isolated, cut off, alone. That deep, old fear that tells me my survival is at risk. .
I do remember childhood, when snow was magic and fun and I couldn't wait for it. But I am unable to feel that way. My fears are stronger.
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If I learned something this past year, is that I can either push all the emotions down and wait for them to explode in panic, or accept them - surrender - give them space - listen to them - observe them.
That's what I did with this piece. I talked to my fears.
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First came the branch, hand fabricated, carved, filed slowly. A naked branch like the ones I see outside - in this season of being naked and still. But with a hint of buds. A promise. This season too will pass.
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And then the skull. White as the snow I wanted to go away. .
Lastly the turquoise. A piece that I recut and reshaped, from a cabochon that broke a while back. Broken, still worthy. Broken to become better. .
And while this piece is all about the still season, the silent, slow one, I wanted it to have movement - another reminder that this isn't forever. So I made hinges and tricks to make it alive with movement.
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What I learned from the process of birthing this...
That I have my own seasons. That I am becoming better at seeing them, and following them. At giving myself permission to do it.
Like the skulls, that were far from my creative heart for a while, and now are back.
Like beading, that I left behind for a while - I find myself thinking of it often lately, hear its call.
That there are so many things I can't control, and this scares me...but I have resources to give myself comfort.
That until I can talk to my art, to my heart and to my own soul, I won't be as isolated as I tend to think I am. That even when I can't feel like I belong, I still belong with myself.
💙

Feathers

Posted on Instagram on December 5, 2018

Very often, when I have a period of struggling, I am used to find tiny feathers on my path.
To me, they are like a reminder to keep going, keep trusting. That I am held and watched over.
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Sometimes I pick those tiny feathers up. Sometimes I just smile and whisper a thank you.
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I didn't find any tiny feathers these past week. Not because I didn't need the message. Probably because I was so stuck inside my spiral of emotional and physical pain that I forgot to pay attention to the signs.
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What I did, though, was to pay attention to my own emotions and thoughts - I observed them. I observed the messages from my body and tried to make sense of them.
Finally, I dragged myself to the bench because I realised that even though I was still in pain, I needed my time for making, for prayer-making, because my soul was starting to struggle.
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I have been my own messenger. I have held myself the best I could. I have done my best to give myself reasons to hope and keep going.
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This is why I made these two talismans, with two of those picked up feathers I told you about.
As a reminder that the signs are there, always, but sometimes we must remind to keep our eyes (heart) open.
That we are held, always, but it's important that we also to the job of holding ourselves.
That we are loved by something bigger than us, still we need to love ourselves.
That when we show up, even if it's hard and we are tired, the whole universe conspires to hold our hand.

You Are Held

Posted on Instagram on November 13, 2018

This pendant has a story and so many layers of meaning, some of them I can't even pinpoint clearly.
I know a deer antler found me - medicine always finds its way to me - through the hands of someone who hurt me.
Still I took the medicine.
Still I sat with the antler, wondering why it came to me right then.
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I figured it was about grace during change. Shedding your antlers in beauty.
I figured it meant that the deer sheds his antlers in grace and trees let go of their leaves in beauty because they know the new growth is coming.
I saw a message for me in this. As I let go of the old, of the past, of programs that only hurt me, there is this ingrained fear, for not knowing what will come next.
I thought this was the signal. Trust. We all know this loss means a new glorious gain.
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And so I put the antler and the leaves. And the feather because rise, rise, I will rise.
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And in the middle of - slowly - birthing this, some old intense childhood trauma emerged.
And the stone I had chosen for it - a blue and brown turquoise - sky and earth - broke. And I broke. In rage and pain and wailing and tears for such an old and heartbreaking pain.
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Wisdom of spirit again. This turquoise here, with the tiniest hint of blue, with the stunning greens is what I needed. For healing the heart. For reminding of the new growth, the fresh leaves that will come. The new life that will exist after this letting go, this surrendering.
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Last came the star. Because I am part of the universe. The stars, the moon, the sun and the earth.
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At the end of this piece...the message I see is that I am held.
I am held when medicine finds me with perfect timing.
I am held by all of life, that sheds and lets go together with me.
I am held by the promise of the newborn grass that will tickle my feet.
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May you find strength in knowing you are held too, you belong, you are precious. May your tender parts be seen and loved by yourself. May the Deer be with you as you learn tenderness, grace and beauty.