You Are Held

Posted on Instagram on November 13, 2018

This pendant has a story and so many layers of meaning, some of them I can't even pinpoint clearly.
I know a deer antler found me - medicine always finds its way to me - through the hands of someone who hurt me.
Still I took the medicine.
Still I sat with the antler, wondering why it came to me right then.
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I figured it was about grace during change. Shedding your antlers in beauty.
I figured it meant that the deer sheds his antlers in grace and trees let go of their leaves in beauty because they know the new growth is coming.
I saw a message for me in this. As I let go of the old, of the past, of programs that only hurt me, there is this ingrained fear, for not knowing what will come next.
I thought this was the signal. Trust. We all know this loss means a new glorious gain.
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And so I put the antler and the leaves. And the feather because rise, rise, I will rise.
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And in the middle of - slowly - birthing this, some old intense childhood trauma emerged.
And the stone I had chosen for it - a blue and brown turquoise - sky and earth - broke. And I broke. In rage and pain and wailing and tears for such an old and heartbreaking pain.
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Wisdom of spirit again. This turquoise here, with the tiniest hint of blue, with the stunning greens is what I needed. For healing the heart. For reminding of the new growth, the fresh leaves that will come. The new life that will exist after this letting go, this surrendering.
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Last came the star. Because I am part of the universe. The stars, the moon, the sun and the earth.
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At the end of this piece...the message I see is that I am held.
I am held when medicine finds me with perfect timing.
I am held by all of life, that sheds and lets go together with me.
I am held by the promise of the newborn grass that will tickle my feet.
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May you find strength in knowing you are held too, you belong, you are precious. May your tender parts be seen and loved by yourself. May the Deer be with you as you learn tenderness, grace and beauty.