S E A S O N S

Posted on Instagram on December 14, 2018

Yesterday they forecast snow, and we had a dusting of it.
While I was in the studio, watching tiny snowflakes falling, I observed my inner landscape. Emotions, feelings.
.
There is something about snow that makes me uncomfortable. That scares me.
It's, I think, the sense of isolation. Everything so white and silent and immobile.
It brings forward my fear of being isolated, cut off, alone. That deep, old fear that tells me my survival is at risk. .
I do remember childhood, when snow was magic and fun and I couldn't wait for it. But I am unable to feel that way. My fears are stronger.
.
If I learned something this past year, is that I can either push all the emotions down and wait for them to explode in panic, or accept them - surrender - give them space - listen to them - observe them.
That's what I did with this piece. I talked to my fears.
.
First came the branch, hand fabricated, carved, filed slowly. A naked branch like the ones I see outside - in this season of being naked and still. But with a hint of buds. A promise. This season too will pass.
.
And then the skull. White as the snow I wanted to go away. .
Lastly the turquoise. A piece that I recut and reshaped, from a cabochon that broke a while back. Broken, still worthy. Broken to become better. .
And while this piece is all about the still season, the silent, slow one, I wanted it to have movement - another reminder that this isn't forever. So I made hinges and tricks to make it alive with movement.
.
What I learned from the process of birthing this...
That I have my own seasons. That I am becoming better at seeing them, and following them. At giving myself permission to do it.
Like the skulls, that were far from my creative heart for a while, and now are back.
Like beading, that I left behind for a while - I find myself thinking of it often lately, hear its call.
That there are so many things I can't control, and this scares me...but I have resources to give myself comfort.
That until I can talk to my art, to my heart and to my own soul, I won't be as isolated as I tend to think I am. That even when I can't feel like I belong, I still belong with myself.
💙