Owl Wing Shawl
Posted on Instagram on March 18, 2019
A wide Owl wing to keep you safe.
For the wisdom.
For the ability to navigate the darkness. For the night vision.
For a slow, silent, perfect flight.
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Something to wrap around your shoulders while you go through the cold and the darkness.
But also something to wear when you walk in nature - wearing the colors of what surrounds you - your own woolen wing.
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This is made with yarn that I hand spin on the century old wheel, all natural colors with no dye.
It was knitted without a pattern, using a freeform technique to give it an asymmetrical shape, and making it definitely a one of a kind.
Works well as a little shawl, but also as a bulky scarf
LIFT - THRUST
Posted on Instagram on March 18, 2019
For Owl, one of the Guides of the past month.
For the mechanic of flight, for what keeps you flying despite it all.
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There are two components to flight:
The lift. Which is, of course, the movement that elevates you.
The thrust. Which is the push forward.
These words have been my mantra during the challenging days I went through.
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Lift.
Use everything that lifts you up. The smallest things. Soak them in.
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Thrust.
Keep pushing forward, even if it seems your thrust is so weak. Every tiny bit counts. Keep going.
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This is for Owl, with slow flight - take your time.
This is for Owl, with silent flight.
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One of a kind, sterling silver, with carved wings and the words LIFT and THRUST stamped on the inside.
Mourning Dove Shawl
Posted on Instagram on March 18, 2019
I knit this during the past month.
Threading through darkness.
Struggling to take a deep breath.
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Two sweet mourning doves would come to eat and play under the big fig tree and, brave little things, despite Pooh keeping an eye on them, they would hop fly hop a few steps from my window.
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To see them would always lift me up.
A childish glee.
A big smile.
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They reminded me of sweetness.
Of being what you are - maybe not flashy, maybe very humble - to just be yourself and be fine with that.
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And one morning I found a little, black tail feather waiting outside for me 💙
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It is all handspun wool - spun on the century old wheel with her silent tales to tell.
Hand knit with the inclusion of a traditional Shetland lace pattern.
Something grandmas of old would wear.
Yes!
Finding my way
Posted on Instagram on March 16, 2019
It feels like I am finding my way again.
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It has been a tough challenging month for me, physically and mentally, and I wasn't able to deal with most things - included being online.
Migraine for days and days and days.
Panic. Strong panic.
Anxiety in every corner.
Fear. A sense of loss and a sense of being lost.
And all I could do was to go inward and make sense of it, while using my energy to take care of myself in the most basic things. Eat. Wash yourself. Don't convince yourself you are having a relapse.
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It has been brutal in many ways. It has broken me. It has made me stronger.
It has challenged me.
It has taught me to let go of some burdens.
It has taught me gratitude.
It has reminded me of the importance of taking a deep breath.
It has taught me to find balance on shaky ground.
It has forced me to stare at my own darkness and hold her hand.
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And now, here I am. Back online.
It feels awkward and marginally scary.
I am happy about connecting.
I have to be confident that I will be able to keep my center and not let things bring me down.
The inner child
Posted on Instagram on February 16, 2019
It is quite impressive, how trauma can sneak up on you, triggered by the most - apparently - silly things.
And drag you back to that place - that uncomfortable painful dark cold place - that you didn't particularly care to visit again.
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It's where I am right now.
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Feeling small, unsafe, powerless.
Unseen. Not heard. Not understood.
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The difference from the past is that I am aware this is my trauma talking, and that I can stay with these emotions. That I don't have to go down the old path of self harming, that I have a choice.
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The choice is to find shelter in creating.
Because when I am there, in the presence of my work, everything fades. I can take a little distance from what would otherwise feel overwhelming.
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When I went to work on this little Child, I had in mind the expression of my pain: she would have sat inside a teardrop, holding a stone that reminded me of tears.
I am glad of how things shifted during the process...
She ended up sitting inside a pod.
Safe. Held.
Holding a Spessartine Garnet - something round and warm and cuddly to hold to her soft tummy for comfort.
The bail allows the pod to swing back and forth - soothing rhythm, play.
The Quartz that hangs from the pod is a luminous reminder, with its internal fracture and rainbow, that I am not less because of these wounds I carry.
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I am not ready to say I will get over this. I am still curled up in a blanket of deep sadness and tiredness. I am still tending to the wound.
I am weeping rather than rising. It will come.
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But this little one brought me a message to hold close while I go through this...that there is comfort to be found in this discomfort. That I can experience this pain without making it worse as I used to. That I know ways to give myself comfort - exactly how I did for her, by giving her some warmth and color, some play and some hope.
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Hand fabricated in sterling silver, hand forged pod, one of a kind