Like on a Rainy Day

Posted on Instagram on September 25, 2018

I woke up tired already, restless and off. Barely slept because an alarm went off the whole bloody night. The full moon as usual wreaks havoc on my emotions. The strong wind makes me irritable.
And it's been a long week. With the move of mom in law I had to face so much - bf having to go to her and out and about for her, much more than I am used to.
I managed. But today I felt the weight of it all.
.
In my stuck ribcage. In my shoulders that feel like up to my ears. In my knuckles, scraped from too much hand washing (hello OCD).
At the bench. Especially there.
.
To make jewelry is my happy place and a big coping tool for me.
So when I sat there and felt empty of energy. When I didn't see the happy flow of ideas in my mind. When I could hear all my restless thoughts comparing me to others...
...I felt miserable. And lost. And not ready to accept the stillness.
.
So I thought I would give it a try and make something simple about this all. Something to tell me that it's ok to be still at times. It's ok to just be.
.
It ended up like a challenging ring, of course. So much for the stress free project. But it taught me.
I chose a chalcedony with the color of the sky when it rains, and a little, marvelous drop of white tourmaline like a raindrop with a rainbow inside it...to call the feeling of those days, that are perfect to be still and snuggled under a blanket.
I ended up giving the ring a rain of leaves and droplets and random silver bits that dangle and dance - to remind myself that this stillness isn't forever. There is dancing all around me and I will join it soon again.
.
It involved a lot of pausing and deep breathing. A lot of making space for the unpleasant feelings. A lot of softening.
A lot of dance between control and surrender. It's in the rugged band, it's in the shiny polished setting. It's in the pale blue stone that feels oh so soft.