Embrace rings

Posted on April 22, 2018

I had two rough days.
I was anxious - I was having more obsessive compulsive thoughts - and fears about... Well, everything.
The therapy work has unearthed parts of me that had been pushed down. Like the one that feels anger - the one that I usually shut up and that would scream in panic.
I was taught anger is bad. When you get angry and tell people you are angry and why, bad things happen.
So there I was.
Resisting.
I don't want to feel this fear.
I don't want to feel this knot of tears in my throat.
I don't want to need to wash my hands again and again.
I don't want this part of me that is angry.
I don't want this part of me that is screaming.
I don't want this part of me that feels insecure.
I don't want this part of me that feels out of place.
I don't want this part of me that feels too many bad things happen and she has no idea how to survive.
I don't want this part of me that is hating everybody and only wants to be alone - I don't want to not be able to be alone.
I don't want to feel this raging storm.
I don't want.
.
And I took heavy gauge wire and the anvil and the hammers and just hammered and melted and hammered and filed. Scraped my hands. Felt the pain from pushing and pulling.
.
And I knew all along that the only thing I can do - the only good thing I can do - is to take all these parts of me and accept them.
.
To embrace what in me is scraped, broken and mended - or still broken. Maybe forever broken. What is rough. What is darkened and reveals its light only at times. What is simply dark and is still needed in order to see the light. What is shaped by life. What is awkward. Fragile. Apparently too strong. Not fitting in. Not polished enough.
.
And these rings are the result.
They have the word "embrace" stamped on the inside, and they are rough, perfectly imperfect, dark and scratched and polished in some spots.
.
They are for me, and they are for you.
And while I usually don't take commissions, I will happily take some for these rings, because this is important, because I feel too many of us walk around feeling just like this.
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Thankyou for reading 💙 always love