Carving the pearl skulls

The first days of April, I carved a few of my pearl skulls.

They seem to be quite the beloveds of my patrons, since the jewelry pieces that feature them are always quick to go.

I don’t carve them often, I’d rather carve a batch and then go on until I feel the impulse again…because it’s messy. There is a lot of fine white dust flying around everywhere, which means I have to cover everything in plastic, which is booooooring! :p

But I have a few done, even a few that I carved on the April New Moon!
I will be ok for a while.

Since I was carving them anyway, I also attempted some filming.
Mind you, my filming and editing skills are really low, but I wanted to give you a chance to see how they are made - and how time consuming the little ones can be!

Here is the video that I uploaded on my IG TV and on Youtube.

On a side note, after I maniacally carved all of the skulls, I got a not so nice case of tendonitis on both arms. Ugh.
I know my wrists need some care, I know I need to remember to take breaks and stretch and all…but what can I say? I was too immersed in the project.

And this is the reason why it took me so long to post the video here…I have been playing catch up with everything once my wrists could move again.

I can’t wait to see what pieces will come out of these skulls, and to show you!

Nesting

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I guess I can say I have been nesting…

The change of season is playing havoc on me. I can’t say I don’t feel well, because there is nothing major going on.
I just feel…off, I guess?
I have moments of inspiration, of ideas. Of energy.
Then, I find myself sluggish, unable to focus, and when I manage to bring myself to the bench, I end up making frustrating mistake after frustrating mistake.

I know the only way out is through.
I know it’s only a matter of patience, surrender, and keep going until the tide changes.

Still…did I mention frustrating?

I have found some soft time with these little vessells.
I wet felted the bases on the April New Moon, then I put them all to rest because I was healing from the tendonitis. I am back at them since a few days, shaping them with the felting needle, embroidering beads on them…
The ones in the photo are not finished - they will definitely get a feather in a way or another - but they already have a bit of personality and wanted to be seen, I suppose.

I have quite a few, not as elaborated wool vessels that I made during the years.
I like to have them around the house, to contain little crystals, small treasures I find…a couple hold a part of my feathers collection, others are used to keep my everyday jewelry safe when I take it off.

I like that they make me think of nests.
I like their softness and organic beauty.
This last batch is definitely more ornate, with the glimmering glass beads, and I like to imagine little fairies playing around them, full of glee.

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Speaking of nests and birds…I have been beading.
In between the more time consuming pieces, I made this little blue feather pendant, that I am offering right now as a gift for the giveaway I am holding on Instagram. Don’t you worry though, I have a giveaway planned for the blog and newsletter too, it’s going to be soon!

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And speaking of frustrating things…this is, so far, the only piece I made with the Scarabs i carved recently.

Not for lack of trying.

I was actually working on another piece just this morning, and of course, once again, everything went wrong - the carving, the melting, the soldering - until I decided to call it a day.
Here is to hoping this flunk will pass soon!

Anyway. The first of the Scarab pieces.
I had to start with Quartz, because that’s my favorite stone. The wings here are movable, they are tucked behind the body and can be opened up.
I carved a slightly different texture on each side of the wings, and I scratched-carved the surface below the stone as well…the effect is beautiful when it moves in the light, and I am happy of how it turned out.

I have also been working on some other concepts, and the only thing that is clear for me so far is that all of this work needs to be released togheter as a sort of collection.

The nests that represent both safety and being open, accepting.
The Winged Scarabs for transformation - for spreading your wings and embracing your potential.
A few pieces, not ready to be shown right now, are a conversation about growth - about the tender sprout being brave enough to grow.
There are stories of seeds in my heart - a revisitation of my seed ring from a few years ago.
There are mantras flowing through my lips of change and the wisdom to accept it. Thoughts of rocks and mountains.
All of these ideas and pieces are interwoven, so, even if I don’t do it often, I know I have to go for a collection release this time around.
I still don’t have a date set, but I suppose it will be around the end of April or the first days of May…I will keep you posted.

How is this change of season going for you?

On stepping out of your comfort zone - and fear

It took me a while to write this.
Actually, it took me a week to get back on track, period.

The thing is…I have dreamed of a website like this one for long, and I was so happy about it.
Then anxiety and all my mental patterns roared their ugly heads at me.
I panicked.

Because…Well, now, after a week, I can clearly tell it was because I stepped out of my comfort zone.
I dared to invest more on myself - financially, mentally, on every aspect.
I dared to take up a little more space.
The ingrained voice in my head shouted at me about failure, about not being enough.
There were also some technical issues that, for now at least, make it difficult for me to use the inbuilt shop feature, so I will be with the MyGypsyStore family for a little longer. It’s ok. I really like them, and the shop system has always been fine for my patrons.
So why was I feeling like such a fraud and a failure and all of those ugly things?

Because these voices inside of me, these mental pathways, run quite deep.

I am not enough. I will fail for sure. People will think I suck.
I am expected to be perfect.

And while I do my best to work on them every day, I can’t expect them not to show up.
I can only do my best to not let them rule my life anymore.

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I won’t lie. The first two days were spent in horrifying anxiety attacks (borderline panic).
I won’t lie, the first two days all I could do was remove the shop and try not to think too much about the to do list or the people I was letting down or how I had done a “mistake”.
While there, in that space of “curling up in a ball and hiding from everything” this pendant came to me.

Do you ever wish you could curl up in some hidden, soft, welcoming safe space, away from everything, and just…heal? I do. Often.
Normally when heavy anxiety grasps me, this is what I do. I stop to function. I suck at answering people online. I have a hard time eating or taking care of myself. I can breathe if I create, and that’s it.
So I envisioned this pendant, like a locket, a safe space to close yourself into until you are ready to face the world again.

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By the time I was able to crawl to the studio, though, something had changed.
I had explored my emotions. I sat with anxiety, with fears, with the parts of me who felt so small and vulnerable.
And I realised that, even if I did indeed shut down a little, I also managed to stay someway present.
First of all, I found the courage to sit with these emotions, instead of trying to push them down.
And then, I managed to eat.
And I was able to steer my thoughts - at least a little - away from the fearful imagery I had, and towards possible solutions.

And this is how this pendant, that was supposed to be a locket, turned out quite…different.

There is no clasp.
The borders don’t match.

It isn’t airtight.

Maybe, for this once, I can allow something to pass through me.
Maybe, for this once, I can allow a little of the world to come inside.
Maybe, for this once, I don’t need to shut down.
Maybe, for this once, I am strong enough to be present to it all.

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I love how everything came out perfectly imperfect.
I played with the outside texture, melting and carving. It reminds me so much of those shells with all the things encrusted on them - like the things we carry from our past - how can we carry them with less strain?
Inside, a field of flowers. Because they remind me of softness and grace.
I filed and carved the rims to accentuate the fissures.
I chose a raw Pyrite for this pendant…because the raw stone looked perfect with the texture on the metal.
Because one of the names for Pyrite is Fool’s Gold. And I liked the idea of calling the Fool here.
The Fool's Journey is a metaphor for the journey through life. In the Tarots, each major arcana card stands for a stage on that journey - an experience that a person must incorporate to realize their wholeness. 
And this seemed quite perfect for this piece.

You will also notice a hint of orange between the flowers.
I did a little experiment.
I cleaned the piece with steel wool, and left some tiny tiny bits in there with a drop of water.
A few days later, I have rust.
Which always makes me think of blood.
Which goes well with this piece I think.

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This week I also had a little Spirit Teacher coming up for me…the Dung Beetle, also called the Scarab.

I didn’t think about Egypt at all, at first.
I was there sitting and beading, while passing through anxiety wave after anxiety wave, thinking “omg why my life has to be this way???”…when I saw the Beetle in my mind.
Deal with your own shit. Make something good of your own shit.
Because that’s quite literaly what these little mighty ones do. They carry around big (for them) balls of dung, that they both eat and use to lay their eggs into.
Reason why the Ancient Egyptians chose them as symbols of rebirth.
There is this sentence, which they say was engraved on the hard pillars that sustained the sacred scarabs in the Egyptian temples…”I am Kepher, the disciple, when my wings open, I will resuscitate”.

I kept this sentence as a mantra.

Because - and here we go back to the title of this post - what did it mean to make this new website, to invest more in myself, if not opening my wings a little more?

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I obsessively carved Scarabs on gemstones.
A couple have already become beaded jewelry, more will be part of talismans on the subject of growing, expanding, and being fearless in that - or, for those like me who apparently can’t afford to be fearless, at least to not let fear paralyze us.

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Did I mention I was REALLY obsessed by carving them? :p

And that’s it for this week.
Back online, back to opening my email, back to imagining and shaping the future.

What is your practice for when those times hit you?

ON CHUBBY SPARROWS

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all

Yesterday I created this little chubby sparrow of hope.

It made me think back to December 4th, 2017.
When I made my first little bird, which also happened to be one of the first pieces of jewelry I made after a little painful hiatus - due to a downfall in my mental health.
To look at the pictures of these little birds brought back memories…

This is the first Soar Bird I made…and here are the words I wrote on that day on my Instagram…

A few days ago I made a pendant for myself - soldering is still difficult business for me, it triggers a lot of anxiety...but some things really, really want to be born, so I have to say yes. Taking it slow, but doing it.
Birds are a lot for me lately - did you notice? Lol!
They are supporting me, keeping me alive.
From the very early morning, when I get up already grasped by anxiety, and I go on the balcony, the sky still dark, breathing the cold air...and waiting for their singing. We are here. It will be ok.
And I breathe.
They symbolize so much to me, a post isn't enough.
Lately, I have been doodling this stylized bird in my journal - I have no idea where it came from, but it's so welcome. 
This pendant I made for myself, I needed it as an amulet and a reminder. 
Of something I see in the birds, that I am working on embodying.
Of those fragile bodies, small tender lives, and the way they seem to trust life so simply and gracefully. The way they take to the sky, riding the currents. Wild and crazy and joyous, past fear and thought.
Daring to SOAR.
It's something I am learning to teach myself, the fact that I can soar. That I have the ability to do it, but also, the most difficult part for me, that I do deserve it. That I am worthy of soaring and experiencing the thrill of life.
To not be afraid of freedom - freedom of being myself.
To trust the wind will support me.
To trust.

This new bird pendant is similar in some ways, and different in others.

It is still a celebration and a prayer of gratitude to the birds.
Because these little feathered things never fail to come to the rescue when I fall down. When the darkness looms on me. When I struggle to function.

"I pray to the birds because they remind me of what I love rather than what I fear. And at the end of my prayers, they teach me how to listen." (Terry Tempest Williams)

This little one carries a word as well, even if now it’s carved with a tiny point on the body surface, along with some small decorative patterns. It was very important to me, someway, that the word is handwritten rather than stamped. A message to a future self, a love note to their new keeper.

It’s carved with a 0.3mm point, which is something really small. That’s my index finger, for size reference.
Often during the carving I thought to myself…why, oh why do I always put myself into such situations? Hah.

But it was so essential to me that the bird was small, small enough to wear it always.
That the lines on it were almost a ghost of a line. Something about feathery light. Something special about the fact that you have to pay attention in order to see them.

Why the chubby sparrows…

Lately I have been able to overcome some of my fears and eat a little more - and some of the foods I was afraid of (pizza!!).
To get past the anxiety and resistance that would catch me, I started to make fun of it, saying "I am going to eat all the things. I'm gonna be all pretty chubby!"

See, my beloved Grandma Luisa used to look at the sparrows (and small animals and kids in general) and say: "Oh, how pretty chubby they are!". She used to say it with such satisfaction. She had survived World War Two and the hunger it came with, so for her and for her generation, to be fat was a good thing.
I wanted to put some of that tenderness, joy, "pretty chubby" in it. The memory of the joyful, sweet, warm person that was my Grandma.

And then drawing happened as well - another old friend coming back for me.
It has been a long time since I sat for hours, drawing and painting just for the sake of it (and not planning a jewelry piece).
It was beautiful.
And all I wanted to do was paint more chubby sparrows with words on them, and that’s exactly what I did.

I have a few birds scheduled to be born soon, some with words asked by their new keepers, a couple with words of my choice and maybe some variations in size and details.
Stay tuned and, as usual, catch me on Instagram for (almost) daily updates!