Bloodline Wounds

Posted on Instagram on June 21, 2018

This one is about healing the bloodline wounds, at least the part of the healing process that I am going through.
It took over a month for this one to finally be complete - to wait pissed me off, but today I understood I needed this past week in order to give it a meaning.
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So. Bloodline Wounds. Ancestry wounds.
For me right now it's about seeing the patterns that were passed down to me, that I made mine without much thought, and that are causing me suffering. To take responsibility. To see I have the power to change my own behaviour and to affirm my own truth and, by making so, preventing those patterns to go on - and maybe giving healing and freedom to the soul of those who came before me.
I don't plan on kids so I can't say I worry to pass these things on to them, you know...still, it doesn't feel like this work affects only me.
I do the work because I can't keep living this way, because I recognize the need of change in order to function better, yes. But a part of me feels like it isn't only me. Difficult stuff to explain in words heh.
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For me this one is about how it doesn't matter if your whole family always saw women as inferior, needing a man to survive. You can take your power back by affirming that you don't live that belief anymore.
That it doesn't matter if they think that you should bow your head and ask permission for existing because you don't fit their neat box. You can take your power back by affirming your own worth.
That their patterns aren't yours.
And that doesn't mean they will change. They likely won't. You change your reaction to their behaviour and you change your own behaviour just for yourself. You are done expecting something from them - understanding, acceptance.
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By standing tall in what feels right to yourself, you claim back the pieces you betrayed. You become whole, one piece at the time.
It's a damn hard work and it's making me so uncomfortable, while also feeling this new, incredible hint of "comfort in my own skin".
I feel so exposed while I also feel like I am growing a backbone - an armor.
I feel so fragile while I also feel I am getting stronger.
It's confusing as hell. It feels worth it.