Whole

Posted on Instagram on July 22, 2018

"I found what I'd been looking for in myself
Found a life worth living for someone else
Never thought that I could be, I could be
Happy, happy"
(Marina and the Diamonds)
🖤
This morning I was sitting at the bench, cutting the shape of this snake-moth freak that popped in my mind yesterday night as I was spinning wool.
And I found myself calm. Weirdly so. Nevermind the bouts of OCD that have been a bit rough the past few days, I found myself thinking "how comes people have left for the holidays and bf is out at the market and then mom will leave too, and I am not panicking?". These are heavy triggers for me.
The answer came smooth and natural and immediate, while the saw glided and cut the wings outline..."because I have myself, and that's all I need".
Trust me, this is as out of there as it gets for me.
I am always terrified of not being enough, able to take care of myself and face life. That's why I always need someone to be close, to support me, to help me in a crisis, to help me survive.
Because I never felt capable of doing it on my own, you see? So I always looked to others for it. Cue trouble.
.
As I sat at the bench with my tools and my work that has become my lifeline and my safe space and my area to expand my self esteem, for the first time in (always?) I felt whole. I felt happy.
.
And this freak of a snake-moth with guardian eyes feels like alchemy.
The two big messengers for change, teachers in the matter of gracefully go through the inevitable cycles in life.
The pure white light of the tiniest herkimer diamond quartz.
.
It's for sale, if you feel the call. (SOLD)
Hand fabricated and carved, one of a kind, sterling silver and quartz.