36

Posted on Instagram on February 3, 2019

Today I am 36.
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I am used to say I don't care about birthdays. Truth is, I do.
Truth is, I would love to have a nice party with people who love me and a good time.
Truth is, I carry the old story of how it's been so far for me: every birthday there would be arguments or otherwise upsetting things. So I learned to pretend not to care.
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It wasn't different this year. I had chosen to invite my bf mom here and have a little time to celebrate how I managed to survive 36 years - and also, yesterday shit started. Of course.
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I found refuge in my work. In this ring.
The bone that showed up for me is the sacral, in particular the tail bone.
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The coccyx, better known as your tailbone, is the very last part of your vertebrae, and is the remnant of a lost tail. Actually, pretty much every mammal on earth had a tail at some point in their lives, even if it was while they were developing in the womb. Take humans, for example. Between stages 14 and 22 of human embryogenesis, one can actually observe a tail-like structure that is later absorbed.
This feature of embryological development was one of the mainstays of Ernst Haeckel's theory of recapitulation. Commonly stated as "ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny," the theory basically holds that the process of developing from embryo into adult parallels various stages of the organism's evolution from an ancestral state to its current one.
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While you can't do much about your tail bone...
What are you carrying from your ancestors, from your life so far, that is time to let go of?
Which old stories and patterns are still shaping your structure?
What is of no use to you and is hindering your evolution into a better human being?
And what is worthy of being kept, like this bone that reminds you of when you were wild?
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With a rutile quartz and snake skin below it, for acceptance of change.
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Today I decide to push through it. To push through the old pattern that tells me that I can't gave good things and that I am a victim of other people passive aggressive stuff.
Today, instead of falling into a pattern of giving up because it always goes wrong, I stood with my decision to have company and celebrate.
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💙